"Follow the trail of potato salad"

We went to the family friend Nadia's 21st birthday party last night. It was the first time I'd been to her and her LLP Rochelle's new family home. It's a cool little place. Turns out apparently that Shaun and Natalie (the parents for posterity's sake, because there are really people reading this who don't have prior knowledge)'s new house is about 4 blocks away which must be acutely annoying. Especially with all the lesbian lovin going on.

I left 3 hours after Mum and Ben coz i had to watch qualifying for the Chinese Grand Prix AS GOES WITHOUT SAYING. In the end we came back home only about two hours after i got there, and I needed to do a shit.

There was this hilarious idiot guy there in army overalls. At various points he kept randomly standing right in front of 2 hottish babes and facing them directly, started to fiddle with his pants (not in an innocent way.) It was amazing.

In summary: I went to a girl's birthday party...who is taken...by another woman...to get drunk and be merry...with my mother around...for 'about an hour and a half'...in Toronto...with Vodka Cruisers.

There were a few hot babes there.

They were fun to observe wordlessly. (h5)

To be fair though I love social awkwardness. It serves to reimburse my lost faith in the concept of 'not doing shit'. Although there was this one moment where i brutally raped a chick deep in her tight virgin ass. That was tits. I was like 'oh man I'm gonna buy me a pizza' until I remembered that unless she drove two hours plus to be here, she's probably a Novocastrian. Mind you if she did that'd be pretty hilarious coz she was drunk off her caked face (ooh look at the cleverness, is he gonna play a 'she wears too much makeup like all women', or 'I creamed on her face', or 'she wore a deathmask with protective enchanments on it so as to aid her and the rest of her gender's whole taking over the world cause.' No. She merely was enthusiastic in eating her piece of birthday cake.) Then again if she did have to drive back to Sydney, maybe the blood would detox before she got there and was exposed to actual fair law enforcement which would commit her. Up here she wouldn't be in danger from cops because she's got a vagina. That's how girls get out of being arrested right?

"You have the right to remain horny officer"

Here are some memorable quotes and moments from the night. Yes they are entirely from exchanges between me and Ben. Yes I spent a whole party exchanging exchanges with my 12 year old brother. That's how I roll.

(eating peanuts) "You're gonna love my nuts"

I was eating food with a fork and began to lightly sing Stick by Matt Berry. Ben shot my fork with his fake gun. Then he said he would shoot my potato salad.

J: "Never shoot a man's potato salad"
B: *shoots*
B: "Aw yeah I just shot your potato salad"
J: "..."
B: "Now it's everywhere. It's all over your face. It's all over the walls. It's all over that guy. B:*points to army man*
J: "Aww nah me-camaflaajh!!"
J: I hope he get called to Afghanistan right now. Or Iraq.
B: "Or Brisbane."
J: *imitates enemy soldier in Asian accent (coz all enemies are Asian, and all Asians are enemies)
"Base, there's nobody here...wait...is that potato salad!?"
B: "Follow the trail of potato salad"

(eating a sausage) "You're gonna love my nuts"

Later in the night Ben started tasing everyone like some Lou Diamond Phillips.
He tried to tase Shell (and fork her too) but she picked up the cake knife. It was fantastic.

(eating cake) "Youre gonna love my nuts" *Tase*' "They're electric!"

"If you hit the bottom of the cake you have to not kiss me, and that's a tragedy." Ben

"..."

As we left to go to our hire car, we started saying RELEASE THE KRAKEN lots. As we were going up Nadia's driveway the automatic light came on next door right as we said it. It was amazing.

PS: Some guy on Youtube. "Every time I take a shit I yell "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!""