pussily suck anus and feed with praise

I"m currently tediously traversing through latino anus amounts of archived social idiocy coz some faggot thinks he's Dan "I'm a crazy fucknugget" Brown. It's worthwhile though just for the snippets of comedy gold.

For the sake of security, I will refer to anyone who isn't me or Jonathan "Pumbaa" Thomas "I have a strangely shaped head" Schroeder born Sep 14 1989, residential address 69 Gaycuntnigger Road Racistville (it's next to Windale) as 'the situation.'

The difference is most of the people in question here can rightly be called (rather dire) 'situations', giving the title much more credibility than it is when applied to a n****r from the state of N*w J****y*.


Naz: why is my p being stupid
Naz: pp[p[p;[p;[p;[p;[po0p[opl;[po;[
Naz: i might go offline and shake the cra out of the lato

If only that a was an e. I would very much like to remove all semblance of cra from Jared Leto.

If by 'cra' you mean 'fat cock."

Not really I don't. I have no desire to remove any such 'fat cock' from inside Jared Leto. It suits him.

"damn i love that guys pants"
"i love a lot of peoples pants"
"i love keith emerson's pants"

Hos: did i rape you?
Naz: yeah! awesome
Naz: i like that you did that


"NO FLIPPENDO KNOCKBACK JINX!"

Situation: to quote my old myspace for absolutely no reason but i feel like it: "I take comfort in the fact that i'm better than you"
Naz: i take comfort in the fact that your facts are unreliable

Situation: "he also blew africa and parts of europe off the map that was hanging on the wall."

I don't know who this man is but he seems intent on ruining perfectly respectable 80s artists...through fellatio.

I know The Wall isnt an 80s album, but THAT FUCKIN MAKES ONE OF US FUCK YOU EVERYBODY.

Fuck.

Situation: "Billie piper is an ugly bitch..."

That one was to even out viewer impressions of this unnamed situation, coz everyone knows Billie Piper is both wholly unattractive, and a terrible human being in social circumstances.

Ok now it's time to GUESS THE HILARIOUS FUCKFAGGOT!

Which famous figure is being referred to here?

Naz: during english the past two years i felt that i had to laugh at his jokes so he wouldnt look like a complete nerd
Hos: youre so camp and noble



Situation 2: you can tell a camp is going to suck when it says 'BYO plate'

Situation 3: YOU FIDUCIARY BAG



Wow it was 2 situations, in just one section of text.


Situation 4: more ASSonance

If only that unnamed enigma knew how relevant his pun would become in later University societies. Oh wait it didn't we changed the name.

Fuck that.

Ok I have decided to refer to what would be Situation 5 by a different more prescient name. From now on he/she/Sam Mitchell/it will be referred to as:

The guaranteed eternal misinterpreted sanctuary napalm hermit man of panamerica.

Here is said hermit using a recent feature of society to back up a point.

"I must bring up the booming economy."

Maybe his name should be Jim "The guaranteed eternal misinterpreted sanctuary napalm hermit man of panamerica" Kramer.

Fucking fucking fucking little fucking fucking little fuckers.

There was not really any reason for that. I just want to be Goodfellas, not Scarface. Besides we need reminding of a time when Matt Bellamy didn't digest triple courses of fermented semen for Tuesday breakfast. (Back then he had it fresh, helped keep the falsetto crisp.)

And Joe Pesci is awesome.

Here's a picture of both.


Here's a picture of what would happen if they had a kid.


"He and I are going out. He has fucked me in several areas. My cat is actually a dog."

.

The reproductive system of the Duck is similar to that of the snake. It contains the testes where sperm is produced. The sperm is emptied into the epididymis, and then carried by the vas deferens to the cloaca. The Duck however has some other specializations in addition to this basic layout that the snake does not have. In the Duck, the testes contain a network of interconnected seminiferous tubules. Seminal vesicles are small, flat structures that open into the vas deferens near the terminal end. The duck has a single intermittent organ called a phallus. The testes drastically increase in size during the mating season and are very reduced when not in the mating season, as seen in the first picture below (Chiasson 1959). The cloaca is present in most primitive gnathostomes and persists in embryos of almost all vertebrates. For this reason the cloaca in birds as well as reptiles seems to be a primitive vertebrate feature. External fertilization seems to be most common in early vertebrates, while internal fertilization using an intermittent organ such as the phallus in the duck seems more prevalent in later vertebrates. This may be due to the increase in sperm transfer success by using an intermittent organ in conditions where external fertilization would be disadvantageous (Kardong 2002).

The phallus is the single intermittent organ of the Duck, and is similar to the penis of other taxa and the hemipenes of the Copperhead snake. The phallus is known as the “true penis,” and is only found in the domestic birds such as the duck, chicken, turkey, and geese. It is not present in the many other birds. The phallus is responsible for directing sperm into the urodaeum of the female from the cloacal region of the male (Chiasson 1959). The phallus contains a shaft around the penis itself. When not erect, the penis is found coiled along the ventral wall of the cloaca. It is thought that erection occurs by the filling of internal chambers instead of muscular means. This projects the penis from the cloaca causing it to bend forward (Kardong 2002).

"Follow the trail of potato salad"

We went to the family friend Nadia's 21st birthday party last night. It was the first time I'd been to her and her LLP Rochelle's new family home. It's a cool little place. Turns out apparently that Shaun and Natalie (the parents for posterity's sake, because there are really people reading this who don't have prior knowledge)'s new house is about 4 blocks away which must be acutely annoying. Especially with all the lesbian lovin going on.

I left 3 hours after Mum and Ben coz i had to watch qualifying for the Chinese Grand Prix AS GOES WITHOUT SAYING. In the end we came back home only about two hours after i got there, and I needed to do a shit.

There was this hilarious idiot guy there in army overalls. At various points he kept randomly standing right in front of 2 hottish babes and facing them directly, started to fiddle with his pants (not in an innocent way.) It was amazing.

In summary: I went to a girl's birthday party...who is taken...by another woman...to get drunk and be merry...with my mother around...for 'about an hour and a half'...in Toronto...with Vodka Cruisers.

There were a few hot babes there.

They were fun to observe wordlessly. (h5)

To be fair though I love social awkwardness. It serves to reimburse my lost faith in the concept of 'not doing shit'. Although there was this one moment where i brutally raped a chick deep in her tight virgin ass. That was tits. I was like 'oh man I'm gonna buy me a pizza' until I remembered that unless she drove two hours plus to be here, she's probably a Novocastrian. Mind you if she did that'd be pretty hilarious coz she was drunk off her caked face (ooh look at the cleverness, is he gonna play a 'she wears too much makeup like all women', or 'I creamed on her face', or 'she wore a deathmask with protective enchanments on it so as to aid her and the rest of her gender's whole taking over the world cause.' No. She merely was enthusiastic in eating her piece of birthday cake.) Then again if she did have to drive back to Sydney, maybe the blood would detox before she got there and was exposed to actual fair law enforcement which would commit her. Up here she wouldn't be in danger from cops because she's got a vagina. That's how girls get out of being arrested right?

"You have the right to remain horny officer"

Here are some memorable quotes and moments from the night. Yes they are entirely from exchanges between me and Ben. Yes I spent a whole party exchanging exchanges with my 12 year old brother. That's how I roll.

(eating peanuts) "You're gonna love my nuts"

I was eating food with a fork and began to lightly sing Stick by Matt Berry. Ben shot my fork with his fake gun. Then he said he would shoot my potato salad.

J: "Never shoot a man's potato salad"
B: *shoots*
B: "Aw yeah I just shot your potato salad"
J: "..."
B: "Now it's everywhere. It's all over your face. It's all over the walls. It's all over that guy. B:*points to army man*
J: "Aww nah me-camaflaajh!!"
J: I hope he get called to Afghanistan right now. Or Iraq.
B: "Or Brisbane."
J: *imitates enemy soldier in Asian accent (coz all enemies are Asian, and all Asians are enemies)
"Base, there's nobody here...wait...is that potato salad!?"
B: "Follow the trail of potato salad"

(eating a sausage) "You're gonna love my nuts"

Later in the night Ben started tasing everyone like some Lou Diamond Phillips.
He tried to tase Shell (and fork her too) but she picked up the cake knife. It was fantastic.

(eating cake) "Youre gonna love my nuts" *Tase*' "They're electric!"

"If you hit the bottom of the cake you have to not kiss me, and that's a tragedy." Ben

"..."

As we left to go to our hire car, we started saying RELEASE THE KRAKEN lots. As we were going up Nadia's driveway the automatic light came on next door right as we said it. It was amazing.

PS: Some guy on Youtube. "Every time I take a shit I yell "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!""

"Why does Art Garfunkel look like Predator?"

In Screenwriting on Monday, the teacher asked us over a couple of pages to write out a joke we know as if it were in narrative script form, to familiarize ourselves with the scriptwriting software we're using. I present my masterpiece:

1. - INT. - OFFICE - DAY

GEORGE walks into the talent agent’s office. He sits in front of the agent and smiles.

GEORGE
I have an act for you, absolute sure bet. You want bums on seats then we got it for you?

TALENT AGENT
Who’s ‘we’? (suspiciously)

GEORGE
My family.

GEORGE waves his family into the room.

GEORGE (CONT’D)
Here’s my wife Betsy, and our children Alice, John and Roy.

GEORGE stands in formation next to his family

TALENT AGENT
What are you going to do for me?

GEORGE
We’ve got a special Vaudeville act. I know you’ll love it. Betsy, the lights?

GEORGE throws off his coat, revealing the top hat and tails underneath.

GEORGE (CONT’D)
John, my dancing stick? Alice, you know what to do.

JOHN throws his father an old walking stick and Alice produces a small stereo from behind the door. She presses play.

TALENT AGENT
We don’t do that kind of act anymore.

GEORGE
Ohoh what do you do then?!

TALENT AGENT
Entertainment. The kind of sordid stupidity everyone pays to see. People with actual talents, not some all-singing all-dancing family of gaywads.

GEORGE
You just sit back and relax good sir?
GEORGE begins to sing, twirling the stick in the air. The TALENT AGENT leans forward impatiently, lighting a cigarette.

More people stream into the room as GEORGE’S family all begin to dance. In the background, a whole orchestra sets up in the office space and begins to play beautiful opera. BETSY’s soprano voice fills the room, interacting with her husband’s playful sound.

TALENT AGENT
Get out of my office! I mean really. What are all these people doing here?

GEORGE and his family perform for a whole hour, all ranges of pretty vintage song and dance ending with an entire fireworks display outside the office.

GEORGE.
At your service Sir

GEORGE and his family curtsey, their frills and coat tails trailing behind them as they bow.

THE TALENT AGENT sits aghast.

TALENT AGENT
That was amazing.

GEORGE
Thank you sir. We’re looking to bring some sophistication back to musical theatre.

TALENT AGENT
What do you call that act then?

GEORGE
The cuntlicking cocksucking faggot niggers.



PS:

"Nazza needs to hide behind a beef noodle"

Yes I know Fred fucks Daphne not Velma. I don't care. What concessions would you not make to have Scott become part of CTU. Then we could have this:

"Dammit Chloe" - Scott Predny.

Wow.

PS: Scott's beard is great.

JAMOG HAHA CAPTCHA

Apparently I've been absent since September. Proper absent, not this quasi semi-absent meta absence since March 15.

I've been too busy to post, primarily winning food vouchers endlessly. It seems for every $7 I make I have to delay doing anything worthwhile for 3 days. For queries on who to contact to complain that I am back today, cavorting my anthropological impudence to a world of one, re: this man...
I'd recall what has happened in the universe since September 2009 but I don't remember.

To fill the void: here are some headlines from said time.

"Australian scientists have developed what they say is a crystal ball for governments to predict the impact on buildings from sea level rise. (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)"

"Holy McFucksticks Reginald. after ten years I've finally figured it out."
"Surely you jest Harold. T'willeth the secret be.?
"You know how random balls such as those of a cricket, Tennis and testicular variety failed to display any visages of future times when examined visually upon tables?"
"Yes"
"And you know how giant slabs of crystal proceeded only to reflect what we after months of research realised was our own faces, not the "Portable Glass Identical Brotherman" we thought we'd invented?"
"Yes"
"Well, if you use various revolutionary fandangled tools such as hammers and BIG KNIFES, you can cut this crystalline substance in to a vaguely ball-like semblance, and such a doing results in visions of TEH FUTORZ :O"
"Wow that's amazing. We could like, sell that to some arts or crafts fair, or some POWs, or somebody's dad."
"What shall we call it?"
"Australian Broadcasting Corporation."
"Ohoh! *guffaw*, what a novel concept, an 'Australian Broadcasting Corporation', that's bound to not be a terrible failure my friend."


India suffered its weakest monsoon for nearly 40 years, the country's meteorological department says.


?

Weakest?

Either someone has a severe antonymical problem, or India are as terrible at news as they are at being white and not sounding hilariously stupid when they talk.

"An Australian research organization has digitally altered satellite pictures of Australia."

Here is the locale, Australia:


Here's an artist's impression of Australia:


October:

Nothing happened at all. Basically there was a faggoty gathering at the Bar On the Hill to celebrate November 1 eve. Tim came as the joker. Scott came as a doctor. Everybody there spent the night trying desperate in fear to kill themselves but never being able to succeed. Also Levi was Electro Boy so at least everyone had the convenience of their suicide being backed by some sweet pulsing robotunes. And RJ came as Velma. Scooby Doo is awesome.


November:

"Why is his name Tiger. He's named after the wrong cat. His name should be Cheetah Woods."

Deep words from Ben.


Everyone thinks the baby must be some black woman's. It's not. She slept with Obama.

No I don't know why everyone thinks the mother of a baby can be unknown and in dispute.

December:

"Scott is the Freddie Prinze Jr to my Linda Cardellini."

I think that makes me Rowan Atkinson.

Also wow that means Scott is in 24 now.

January:

"In the news recently. apparently India suffered its weakest monsoon for nearly 40 years, the country's meteorological department says. ? Weakest? Either someone in India is very confused, or they're as terrible at news as Conan O'Brian is at hosting my show. LOLZ. Did you find that funny Kevin or would you prefer to be left alone to actually concentrate on your musicianship?"

February:

The Olympics were on. I watched every single event. Steve Liebman has amazing sweaters. Lindsey Vonn's anus is amazing.

March:

Uni returned. I got to see Dr Feelgood. It was amazing.

PS: I started the Atheist Students Society in October. Considering I hadn't until recently posted on here since before then, it makes our 200+ members, swathes of cash, respected recognition and guest speaker attraction all the more impressive. :)

PSSSSSSSSS: Yeah I founded it. I'm the 'every guy Edison stole from' to Brett's Thomas Edison.

Here's a picture of Sean Astin without a shirt on:


Here's a picture of Curtis without a shirt on:
There's no picture of Kim Raver without her shirt on. If there was, would I be on this site?

No.

I'd be like, jacking off or some shit.


We leave you tonight with a performance of The Musical Box on opposite day:


Man without having seen the terrible live action Scooby Doo remake, this post is gonna make about as much sense as a woman in any kind of situation.

"I'm not educated" - Richard Nixon