Yeah.
It's painful.
I'm wearing a WICCA CHAIR on my face.
We won trivia again.
But we got robbed by the fat shit.
Jed Dickson is a massive homo
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
"Believe in something, even if it's wrong"
Those Sound relief concerts were on last week.
Except it wasn't really last week.
I'm just slow.
They were hilarious because Channel V's presenters were faggy and i wanted to stab them in the wang. But Iva Davies had a DARK SIDE SHIRT, it was amazing. Most of the people were crap, but Split Enz were great.
"WHY IS THIS MAN STLL LIVING" - Ben on that annoying bald faggot in the Hoodoo Gurus.
It was Ben's birthday last week. We went down by the water for a birthday dinner and this faggy kid playing on a skateboard ran into a pole and stacked it. It was great.
Then there was these old ladies close by and Ben was all "look at those old ladies" far too loud and Mum was "shh keep it down, don't be rude!" So Ben went "they're old, they can't hear properly" even louder.
"They should give Obama The Nobel Prize for Evil"
Trivia was sweet yesterday. We all cheated and were joint winners, and then the faggy bar ran out of wedges so we had to eat cold chips. I was massively pissed. And then some faggot broke my pen. What a crap day.
"Fat Actually Makes You Thin, Renowned Science Writer Says"
"that's great"
"flammable means inflammable? what a country"
Scott invited me to be in the weekly gay orgy. I'm the midfielder so I'll have to both give it and be penetrated anally.
"That violates thermodynamics"
"How does it violate thermodynamics"
...
...
"Anally"
Scott broke Tim Chaston's paper. It reminded me of that time...THE BALL HIT HIM IN THE FACE AAAAHAHAHAHAH
I have finally found the long-awaited prestigious first Auslan sign which could double as a visual masturbation euphemism. It is the sign for COLOUR. Consult me for details.
"It's my birthday so i'm meant to be excited but I'm just pissed."
I saw a link to tihs article about Alan Jones before, and when I clicked on it this massive gorilla face came up next to the text. That's pretty appropriate.
Alan Jones goes 'FUCK YOU" every morning when he's cutting his banana to put on his gay flakes cereal.
"Malfoy survives, gets married and has a kid. I forgot what his kid's name was. It was something really stupid and gay."
"Was it SAM?"
Watch this video. It's hardcore and hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPWjNX4PBlI
WICCA CHAIR!!!!!
Except it wasn't really last week.
I'm just slow.
They were hilarious because Channel V's presenters were faggy and i wanted to stab them in the wang. But Iva Davies had a DARK SIDE SHIRT, it was amazing. Most of the people were crap, but Split Enz were great.
"WHY IS THIS MAN STLL LIVING" - Ben on that annoying bald faggot in the Hoodoo Gurus.
It was Ben's birthday last week. We went down by the water for a birthday dinner and this faggy kid playing on a skateboard ran into a pole and stacked it. It was great.
Then there was these old ladies close by and Ben was all "look at those old ladies" far too loud and Mum was "shh keep it down, don't be rude!" So Ben went "they're old, they can't hear properly" even louder.
"They should give Obama The Nobel Prize for Evil"
Trivia was sweet yesterday. We all cheated and were joint winners, and then the faggy bar ran out of wedges so we had to eat cold chips. I was massively pissed. And then some faggot broke my pen. What a crap day.
"Fat Actually Makes You Thin, Renowned Science Writer Says"
"that's great"
"flammable means inflammable? what a country"
Scott invited me to be in the weekly gay orgy. I'm the midfielder so I'll have to both give it and be penetrated anally.
"That violates thermodynamics"
"How does it violate thermodynamics"
...
...
"Anally"
Scott broke Tim Chaston's paper. It reminded me of that time...THE BALL HIT HIM IN THE FACE AAAAHAHAHAHAH
I have finally found the long-awaited prestigious first Auslan sign which could double as a visual masturbation euphemism. It is the sign for COLOUR. Consult me for details.
"It's my birthday so i'm meant to be excited but I'm just pissed."
I saw a link to tihs article about Alan Jones before, and when I clicked on it this massive gorilla face came up next to the text. That's pretty appropriate.
Alan Jones goes 'FUCK YOU" every morning when he's cutting his banana to put on his gay flakes cereal.
"Malfoy survives, gets married and has a kid. I forgot what his kid's name was. It was something really stupid and gay."
"Was it SAM?"
Watch this video. It's hardcore and hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPWjNX4PBlI
WICCA CHAIR!!!!!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
God ain't a guitar
YEAAAAAAAAAH I SMASHED THE TRIVIA I'M GREAT.
I'M FANTASTIC.
We had trivia last week.
And i'll never get to do it again.
That's pretty crap.
But I knew that Automatic For The People was REM's iconic album and Tuesday Night Music Club was the Kevin Gilbert album that bitch got all the credit for in 94 (what a shit year, i mean Canberra won the grand final, and they come from a shit state and/or territory).
So I got officially rewarded for being massively gay. First time that's happened since Mr Grogan said "Alexander Spinks" in the graduation ceremony.
My award was a $7 meal voucher so I could buy a $3 meal for free.
I got fish and chips.
And tartate sauce.
That was a bigass fish.
"Imagine theres no Wakeman, it's easy if you try, just some guy with a ukelele."
The other day on the way home Mum was pissed off and she got into a sweet catfight with this Tronno bitch over a hire car. Neither party could afford the dignity of fighting over a Taxi.
"The baptism water is causing my headaches whenever I blaspheme."
The teacher in Auslan last week kept talking (using sign, we're not allowed to speak like unhandicapped not-retarded people) about how we have to use mime and gesture and lots of pointing. And she kept pointing her fingers everywhere and moving around. I laughed and wished she was going all 'I'M POINTIN MA FINGERS.'
Then she'd be a bad actor like Mick Jagger.
She's probably a bad actor already though. She studies Linguistics.
Then I saw JAMES MERRY!!! on my mid-class break and he was all 'DUDE YOU MENTIONED ME ON YOUR BLOG' except without the capitalisation (or any text actually he spoke) and without the haphazardly stereotyped modern post-teen male cliche.
And with more height.
Then I was all 'YEAH THAT'S GREAT, I'VE GOT TO WRITE ABOUT THAT ON THE BLOG, THEN IT'D BE A META-BLOG, AND NOW I'VE DONE IT, SO NOW IT IS!' except not all at that time coz I can't post this post that fast and that was a week ago and today it's today.
YEAH IT'S A METABLOG. I broke the fourth wall.
This is now a Blog Noir.
I'M FANTASTIC.
We had trivia last week.
And i'll never get to do it again.
That's pretty crap.
But I knew that Automatic For The People was REM's iconic album and Tuesday Night Music Club was the Kevin Gilbert album that bitch got all the credit for in 94 (what a shit year, i mean Canberra won the grand final, and they come from a shit state and/or territory).
So I got officially rewarded for being massively gay. First time that's happened since Mr Grogan said "Alexander Spinks" in the graduation ceremony.
My award was a $7 meal voucher so I could buy a $3 meal for free.
I got fish and chips.
And tartate sauce.
That was a bigass fish.
"Imagine theres no Wakeman, it's easy if you try, just some guy with a ukelele."
The other day on the way home Mum was pissed off and she got into a sweet catfight with this Tronno bitch over a hire car. Neither party could afford the dignity of fighting over a Taxi.
"The baptism water is causing my headaches whenever I blaspheme."
The teacher in Auslan last week kept talking (using sign, we're not allowed to speak like unhandicapped not-retarded people) about how we have to use mime and gesture and lots of pointing. And she kept pointing her fingers everywhere and moving around. I laughed and wished she was going all 'I'M POINTIN MA FINGERS.'
Then she'd be a bad actor like Mick Jagger.
She's probably a bad actor already though. She studies Linguistics.
Then I saw JAMES MERRY!!! on my mid-class break and he was all 'DUDE YOU MENTIONED ME ON YOUR BLOG' except without the capitalisation (or any text actually he spoke) and without the haphazardly stereotyped modern post-teen male cliche.
And with more height.
Then I was all 'YEAH THAT'S GREAT, I'VE GOT TO WRITE ABOUT THAT ON THE BLOG, THEN IT'D BE A META-BLOG, AND NOW I'VE DONE IT, SO NOW IT IS!' except not all at that time coz I can't post this post that fast and that was a week ago and today it's today.
YEAH IT'S A METABLOG. I broke the fourth wall.
This is now a Blog Noir.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
wanna know my INSTRUTITKlEES
It's been a while since my last dance. My internet died. I spent 2 hours on the phone with an Indian guy today to no yield whatsoever, only to have it randomly fix itself.
"There was no toilet paper like at 3pm today.
And mum went down the road about 3 times.
And i still dont see any toilet paper replacement."
Yesterday at Uni was epic and amazing. First I got to share photos of young version me around. This random old guy was all 'eeh that's so cute' at a picture of me when i was 4. I wished he'd followed it up with 'I love the young people" but he didn't. Fag.
"I can hear someone playing 'pokerface' in the background....
I'D SURE LIKE TO POKE HER FACE."
...
...
"with a....BIG NIFE"
...
...
...
"if the knife is MY PENIS"
Nazza finally showed up for once. So we got to sit in the music class and be great and laugh at the fat gay coldplaymariahcarey guy. The teacher was talking about how we sometimes listen to music to deaden sounds around us and started on an epic tale of turning music up loud to drown out a 'couple next door." Only to reveal that they were in fact 'washing the dishes'. Then she spoke about the different perceptions of music and how 'Country' now implies the modern faggy country pop shit, not true great classic country music.
"That's right, those original country people were actually democrats"
...
...
...
"THATS SOME HANDY TRIVIA TO KNOW"
After class we saw The Big Red One sitting in a faraway corner. It was great. By the end of the afternoon we had a massive huge posse of sweet dudes and had smashed the trivia finale. The Other Red One MORGANYEAH came over with his friend 'That girl who is Morgan's friend' after having survived his brush with death, and they sat and reminisced upon school.
"OK I"m going to seperate you all according to how you look...Morgan go stand over there by yourself" - Mr Vaughan
Morgan's friend told hilarious stories about Barqueavez and how he used to pretend to be gay to try and hide the fact that every chick hated him.
Other highlights of the lovely tales included:
* "I knew him in primary school, he always got money for lunch but was allergic to everything on the menu"
* He didn't have any real friends so he'd pay kids to be his friends"
I'd wonder where he got the money but it was probably the cash saved by not being able to eat anything.
"Who was the only President of the United States to have been sworn in by a woman?"...."Curtin"
That was great coz I was the only one who knew it was LBJ. Crazy Sam.
On the way home today I had to change busses. And as soon as i stepped on the new bus a cacophony of loudass little school kids filled my ears. It pissed me off, my head was sore before I even reached my seat. Presumably spawned from my angry desire to inflict trauma and suffering upon these children as vengeance for my sore head, after I sat down i started softly (but audibly) singing the "I want to make love to your children" song.
"This is like taking your girlfriend out to McDonald's to celebrate your first anniversary" - Creative Writing Teacher on my poem.
"There was no toilet paper like at 3pm today.
And mum went down the road about 3 times.
And i still dont see any toilet paper replacement."
Yesterday at Uni was epic and amazing. First I got to share photos of young version me around. This random old guy was all 'eeh that's so cute' at a picture of me when i was 4. I wished he'd followed it up with 'I love the young people" but he didn't. Fag.
"I can hear someone playing 'pokerface' in the background....
I'D SURE LIKE TO POKE HER FACE."
...
...
"with a....BIG NIFE"
...
...
...
"if the knife is MY PENIS"
Nazza finally showed up for once. So we got to sit in the music class and be great and laugh at the fat gay coldplaymariahcarey guy. The teacher was talking about how we sometimes listen to music to deaden sounds around us and started on an epic tale of turning music up loud to drown out a 'couple next door." Only to reveal that they were in fact 'washing the dishes'. Then she spoke about the different perceptions of music and how 'Country' now implies the modern faggy country pop shit, not true great classic country music.
"That's right, those original country people were actually democrats"
...
...
...
"THATS SOME HANDY TRIVIA TO KNOW"
After class we saw The Big Red One sitting in a faraway corner. It was great. By the end of the afternoon we had a massive huge posse of sweet dudes and had smashed the trivia finale. The Other Red One MORGANYEAH came over with his friend 'That girl who is Morgan's friend' after having survived his brush with death, and they sat and reminisced upon school.
"OK I"m going to seperate you all according to how you look...Morgan go stand over there by yourself" - Mr Vaughan
Morgan's friend told hilarious stories about Barqueavez and how he used to pretend to be gay to try and hide the fact that every chick hated him.
Other highlights of the lovely tales included:
* "I knew him in primary school, he always got money for lunch but was allergic to everything on the menu"
* He didn't have any real friends so he'd pay kids to be his friends"
I'd wonder where he got the money but it was probably the cash saved by not being able to eat anything.
"Who was the only President of the United States to have been sworn in by a woman?"...."Curtin"
That was great coz I was the only one who knew it was LBJ. Crazy Sam.
On the way home today I had to change busses. And as soon as i stepped on the new bus a cacophony of loudass little school kids filled my ears. It pissed me off, my head was sore before I even reached my seat. Presumably spawned from my angry desire to inflict trauma and suffering upon these children as vengeance for my sore head, after I sat down i started softly (but audibly) singing the "I want to make love to your children" song.
"This is like taking your girlfriend out to McDonald's to celebrate your first anniversary" - Creative Writing Teacher on my poem.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
What a emotional hear sounds!
Uni finally returned this past week. But it was mostly boring shit.
Except Sam's economics class.
That made it automatically the most hilarious day ever.
On Thursday night a group of us sweet peeps saw Watchmen. I had no real expectations, but as of the opening sequence (!!!!) i was amazed, and the movie made me crap my pants except in reverse with the front part not the back part. As well as making me crap my pants.
Dr Manhattan's blue song and dance number wasn't that big. The idea of it being a megawang must be a male-created conspiracy to make women and small endowed men feel that that's a good size.
When Dr Manhattan is in his giant form he jacks off with a ferris wheel.
Say that to JAMES MERRY sometime. His reaction is worth it. And it fundamentally ruins his entire childhood memory cycle.
Robert Downey Jr was great in the movie.
I also enjoyed Javier Bardem's performance.
There was a preview for the faggy new X-men movie (like the faggy old one, but with less bald Patrick-Stewart-head.) That's the second most artificial Hugh Jackman chest ive seen in the past year.
"What was wrong with the yellow guy in the wiggles?"
"He was ill"
"DID HE HAVE AIDS!?!?...*sings like Chef* "I'm gonna give aids to all you children"
The women's cricket world cup started today...
That's it there's no second punchline.
Nazza's mum had to take some crazy Vitamin C chewy tablet things which were really sour.
Bottle: "Take 4 every [whatever]"
Nazza's mum: 'FOUR !!!'
*Nazza's mum eats four*
*Everyone laughs at Nazza's mum's face*
Scott: "You wanna chip?"
Nazza: "NU I ONLY EAT PLEENKTIN"
The news was talking to the Australian women's cricket team and they showed the coach. He was a dude. I laughed.
VH1: "50 Mardi Gras anthems"
Max: "U2 vs Coldplay"
"Wow both channels are paying tribute to the Mardi Gras"
Except Sam's economics class.
That made it automatically the most hilarious day ever.
On Thursday night a group of us sweet peeps saw Watchmen. I had no real expectations, but as of the opening sequence (!!!!) i was amazed, and the movie made me crap my pants except in reverse with the front part not the back part. As well as making me crap my pants.
Dr Manhattan's blue song and dance number wasn't that big. The idea of it being a megawang must be a male-created conspiracy to make women and small endowed men feel that that's a good size.
When Dr Manhattan is in his giant form he jacks off with a ferris wheel.
Say that to JAMES MERRY sometime. His reaction is worth it. And it fundamentally ruins his entire childhood memory cycle.
Robert Downey Jr was great in the movie.
I also enjoyed Javier Bardem's performance.
There was a preview for the faggy new X-men movie (like the faggy old one, but with less bald Patrick-Stewart-head.) That's the second most artificial Hugh Jackman chest ive seen in the past year.
"What was wrong with the yellow guy in the wiggles?"
"He was ill"
"DID HE HAVE AIDS!?!?...*sings like Chef* "I'm gonna give aids to all you children"
The women's cricket world cup started today...
That's it there's no second punchline.
Nazza's mum had to take some crazy Vitamin C chewy tablet things which were really sour.
Bottle: "Take 4 every [whatever]"
Nazza's mum: 'FOUR !!!'
*Nazza's mum eats four*
*Everyone laughs at Nazza's mum's face*
Scott: "You wanna chip?"
Nazza: "NU I ONLY EAT PLEENKTIN"
The news was talking to the Australian women's cricket team and they showed the coach. He was a dude. I laughed.
VH1: "50 Mardi Gras anthems"
Max: "U2 vs Coldplay"
"Wow both channels are paying tribute to the Mardi Gras"
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Like....tyre....or some shit
Uni goes back tomorrow (today).
So funny shit should start to flow.
"Stupid sore throat. It means I can't even do what I usually do when I'm ill and at home."
Uni's gonna be crap.
I have to buy a book by my first class.
The class is 9.
The shop opens at 9.
I hope some guy just went 'ehehe let's deliberately make the shop open too late and then sit in the trees and watch all the teenagers and old fat guys chuck a spazcock coz they either can't get to class on time or can't get their books and theyre all 'DAMN YOU MY MOLECULAR STRUCTURE FOR NOT ALLOWING ME TO BE IN 2 PLACES AT ONCE WITHOUT CAUSING A TEMPORAL PARADOX'. And touching themselves.
"I'll never feel right saying "put that on your pole"".
The Big O spoke to congress the other day. Everyone was all going on about his wife's sleeveless dress. On sky news the reader chick went "The right to bear arms has always been an issue in the United States, but first lady Michelle Obama has offered a whole new take on the argument." I immediately thought "wow that was really crap"
After his address that republican guy who looks like Dev but without the faggy stubble offered the party's response. Apparently this can be likened to "The Rolling Stones opening for Air Supply" and "Led Zeppelin being followed by nothing but a harmonica." Apparently Dave is going to tour with Zep, and noone's going to like him.
What's funny is that Bobby Jindal is black and so's Dave.
"I bet you'd hear a cornet and claim it was a flugelhorn."
"I bet you'd hear a fart and claim it was a burp."
Beardface Epicpants (Scott) linked me this before. It's great.
http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/489/1236045906372.gif
"Ahah holy crap
I was laughing so hard at that
I farted"
So funny shit should start to flow.
"Stupid sore throat. It means I can't even do what I usually do when I'm ill and at home."
Uni's gonna be crap.
I have to buy a book by my first class.
The class is 9.
The shop opens at 9.
I hope some guy just went 'ehehe let's deliberately make the shop open too late and then sit in the trees and watch all the teenagers and old fat guys chuck a spazcock coz they either can't get to class on time or can't get their books and theyre all 'DAMN YOU MY MOLECULAR STRUCTURE FOR NOT ALLOWING ME TO BE IN 2 PLACES AT ONCE WITHOUT CAUSING A TEMPORAL PARADOX'. And touching themselves.
"I'll never feel right saying "put that on your pole"".
The Big O spoke to congress the other day. Everyone was all going on about his wife's sleeveless dress. On sky news the reader chick went "The right to bear arms has always been an issue in the United States, but first lady Michelle Obama has offered a whole new take on the argument." I immediately thought "wow that was really crap"
After his address that republican guy who looks like Dev but without the faggy stubble offered the party's response. Apparently this can be likened to "The Rolling Stones opening for Air Supply" and "Led Zeppelin being followed by nothing but a harmonica." Apparently Dave is going to tour with Zep, and noone's going to like him.
What's funny is that Bobby Jindal is black and so's Dave.
"I bet you'd hear a cornet and claim it was a flugelhorn."
"I bet you'd hear a fart and claim it was a burp."
Beardface Epicpants (Scott) linked me this before. It's great.
http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/489/1236045906372.gif
"Ahah holy crap
I was laughing so hard at that
I farted"
Monday, March 2, 2009
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