Felix The Cat Fuck

Monthly update time it seems.

I'd update more regularly but I get held up by my days on end of being angry at dickheads who piss me off and I hate. In fact I might make a post about that...

"haha shit i broke something in my pants" - Nazza

I've also been busy at trivia. It' so epic. We've won six times in a row now but I keep getting screwed. I give everyone the answers but then lose by 1 coz Scott or RJ or someone else guesses one we don't know correctly. AND EVEN BEYOND THAT, DAMN PETER SERAFINOWICZ KEEPS DENYING US SKINS WTF GAH

I'm Still great though. Last week I won four(five) vouchers (not really but i can technically say it.) A voucher for my crappy joke about Kurt Cobain which was not nearly as good as some of my GOOD ONES THAT DID'NT WIN (like "Why do Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs? So they don't get mistaken for feminists" and "Member of the Family First Party.") A voucher for knowing George VI preceded our current Queen (that's right 'our', I don't like wasting millions of dollars on campaigning and transfer procedures for no apparent reason, why don't we take a dead animal and kill it instead?)

I got given the other two by Nazza (coz he doesn't eat) and Tim (he won coz I was awesome, and he got tickets to some crap shit band Nambucca Heads Infant or something anyway so didn't need the shitty little voucher for FREE FOOD YEAH.)

I did however give RJ the answer REYKJAVIK for 'spell the northernmost capital city in the world', coz you' cant win twice in random trivia.

Yeah I'm awesome. Fuck making blog posts.

Hudson: "I can't wait to play with your laptop"
Scott: "I can't wait to play with your balls."

On Wednesday some guy's joke was "Who thinks the nerds at the back of the room (aka us :) should just fuck off?" There was truly and without doubt, by far the biggest unanimous cheer from the whole room I have ever seen, including from us of course.

Ben: "You're an idiot."
Me: "You're a guy with a dick.
Ben: "That's right actually."
Me: "...A crap dick."
Ben: "Now that's untrue."
Ben: "I have a mighty penis."
Ben: "Oceans tremble to my penis."

Justin Langer called English 'fast' bowler James Anderson 'a bit of a pussy.' It's great coz James Anderson has a stupid face.

Here's a hilarious picture of Jay Leno.


The greatest thing happened on the news the other day. JIM WALEY! was going through the headlines, and as usual the sync screwed up so the 2nd story had the pictures from a later story. Unfortunately the story was about that crazy peedo Dennis Ferguson and the pictures were related to Australian politics. Here is a rough pictorial recollection of exactly what i saw.


"I'm not a huge fan of arse."- Creative writing teacher.

Then the news talked about how Kevin Rudd chose Kim Beazley to be the new US ambassador because he was "an expert on American History." So I decided I need to contact Kim Beazley and challenge him to an American History quiz, with the winner getting the post. He hasn't replied to my birdmail yet (or he did but then ate the bird as he went to let it go) so I've just presumed that I'd win and have given myself the ambassadorial title.

Media class teacher: "I want to see a really fat guy reading the news."
Me: "You'll notice that although women always have to be hot blonde bimbos, men often tend to be average looking, they don't have the same standards."
Media class teacher: "Yeah you're right but besides that, I want to see a morbidly obese person read the news. Someone massively huge and round."

That class is great. We get to look at magazines and talk about fascists like Rupert and there is an English babe in the class who basically, if I were to think about her while in a dangerous hostage situation where a detonator for a nuclear bomb were an undisclosed (although hefty) amount of centimetres in front of my crotch and my hands and feet were tied up, I would make a million people die a fiery death the instant I were to think of this woman.

And last week in class this random freaky disembodied computer voice went "It's 1:30" when it hit 1:30 and everyone cracked up. The crazy Microsoft Sam proceeded to remind everyone when it was 1:45, 2:15, 2:30 and 2:45. We never found out where it actually came from.

Me: 'It's September suit up today"
Ben: "Go as a biscuit."

I met Jim Kaston (Re: Levi)'s friend Ashleigh at Bar On The Hill trivia this week. She was pretty great. At the end she left and told me to say goodbye to Jim who was buying free foods. Three minutes later she walked serenely back in, picked up her workbook off the table, and walked silently back out, just as Jim came back and was able to yell his farewell before she was out of sight, and looked at me funny as i sat there cacking myself.

Allie: "Did Nathan ever watch double the fist.
I went to ask.
But his room was dark.
Tried to turn the light on.
But it didn't work.
Me: He's obviously touching himself.

The joke there is that that's Nazza's sister :)

Some final visual thoughts now...





"YOU SMELL LIKE POO....USE SOME LYNX....ON YOUR BUTT." - Ben