Fuck me, a talking armadillo

Apparently there's a pole dancer called Terri Hosford.

What a bitch.

That hoe means that any fantastic hu(man) being looking for my epic musings on such resources as Google, Yahoo or StrippersDatabaseCentral, will instead find pictures of some bullshit stripper with a man's name and genitals.

I'm gonna stab that bitch.

And not with my penis like a Chaston.

"Woolmer said it was South Africa's finest fielding display so far. ``It's the best since I have been in charge,'' he said. ``It was close to awesome.''

That quote was in relation to the 1996 World Cup. Obviously can't be recent as that guy is close to dead.

Trent Barrett has been picked to play as part of our fresh young new Origin team. Here's a picture of Trent Barrett looking like a douche.


Here's another picture of Trent Barrett in his natural environment.


Man i hate Trent Barrett.

The newsreaders keep saying "31 year old Trent Barrett has been given an origin recal' to emphasize his age as the exasperating factor in his selection. It makes me angry coz age is irrelevant. Anyone of that age or beyond could easily perform at that level. What people should be emphasizing is that "huge giant douche Trent Barrett has been picked for an origin recall."

'BAH AWAY FUCK YOUR ADULT'

New Zealand are so awful at cricket. Words can't describe how faggyshit every person from New Zealand who isn't Daniel Vettori is at every form of the game. Now they've got awful new jerseys.


What the crap is that even a tangible colour. I thought it inherently impossible that any nation who wasn't Finland could exude such pugnant waves of boringness visibly through matter. I specifically chose a picture of Brendon McCullum too coz Brendon McCullum is the world's greatest wanker. If i walked past him in the street I'd get putrid green wool-laden Tony-Danza scented semen all over my face. Then I'd kick him in the nuts. Look at his big gay face.

"PIERCE BROSNAN IS NOT RELATED TO KEYTARS OR THE BUGGLES IN ANY WAY."

There was an ad about INVISILIFTS at uni. It was the single hottest thing I've ever seen. They advertised that if you got 20 you would get 10 more free and I decided I'd get some then find a way to use them as bargaining chips and result in having massive sweet sex with 15 hot babes. But when I ordered them they thought I was getting them for myself. Hence the quote "are you retarded you need more than 30." It was tits.

"Maybe thrusted is too strong a word. I put my crotch on his face."

"Who here knows Elvis Costello."
"Was he a part of Abbott and Costello?"

What a cardboard character.

Here's another picture for no reason just because I am a thousand words short of my minimum limit.


Man I've never wanted to be Bud Abbott more in my entire life than I do right now.

That's tits.

Disengage says: oooooooo
Disengage says: god ass
Disengage says: ooo
Disengage says: aargh

Party

From: JAMES HOSFORD [mailto:james_hosford@hotmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, 3 June 2009 1:13 PM
To: Mitchell, Sam
Subject: party

Faceface, i found your work email :O

That's amazing.

My sweetass rap is on Saturday, make sure to come like a not-faggot.

I've sent the formal email to everyone (except Merry and Jared, can you tell them if you see them, eheh you won't see them.) But I dunno when and if you'll come online or check that other arbitrary social email.

When you get this as you surely well, if you haven't looked at the other email, DO IT.

That'd be tits.

From:	Mitchell, Sam (Sam.Mitchell@********)
Sent:	Wednesday, 3 June 2009 1:14:57 PM
To:	JAMES HOSFORD (james_hosford@hotmail.com)

Here I am, replying simply because I saw the phrase "That'd be tits."

Good phrase but hard to apply in a literal manner.

Lyrical musings

I will now write a song consisting only of the verification words from the last seven comments I have made anywhere in the Blogger universe on any of my many contactable friends' wide range of multifaceted blogs. Beyond this, such a lyric must be but one line, consisting of no other word than the seven aforementioned, and they must unlike a chick's insides after she gets raped by a really big black guy, be in their exact correct order.

Talistam kingfle thalitr silicat retumand splecat oushpo.



That's sweet.

"Do you want to spank me?"

Holy McFucknuggets IT IS ME!

I have returned from whence-I-came.

It was a shit place.

I have been absent these weeks first so as to complete my manly university assignments, then have my manly "random gathering of heterosexual men for games of a non-homosexual variety which isn't a party" birthday gathering, then because i had manly diarrhoea. Two of those three adjectives referred to virile male sexuality and one referred to that shit footy team, match them up.

Now I can regale all the recent highlights and lores.

Uni was worth it, I aced my blog, apparently I got 48/50 which seems remarkable but then Uni marking standards make about as much sense as fiodgh;awdgo;e;a;GF;FPOOaiygfig.

Here is our blog. It also has Brickman. If you're wondering why everything you first see is posted by him, it's because he's lazy and had made about two posts in the actual month we were sposed to. Unless you're Marj. Then I don't know why, maybe you're going wackass or some shit.

If you're wondering why its about a shit decade...


Speaking of people who are fags and give people the finger far more often than their personality inherently grants them right to do so and were prominent in all mine and my friend's live until 2007 and now nobody gives a shit, I love Dave.

Dave is a genius.

I wish crazyfatfaceweedmanfossilizedbob Dave would turd him back out his oft-pummelled rectum-hole.

Read his genius back at the good old Freud.

http://www.geocities.com/pink_Freud05/

For those of you of the woman faith who are all 'what is that all, that's bullcrap?', click on the 'Previous articles' link you slutty hoebitch.

Brickman's on that site too. He's the blue one. Because light and vaguely aquaesque blue is always associable with New Zealand.

Man this post is nasty, I'd better reassure myself that i'm still a fundamentally brilliant human being.

I have cancer.

I'm going to die soon.

My realistic wish is simply to eat a pie.

That makes me a better person than every single other dying cancerous dickwad.

That's what i'm talking about. I hope someone reads this and cries so I can replenish my nutritional sodium intake. Oh man, they need to make a chocolate milk pie. That'd be totally whack and illin'.

Check back here tomorrow to experience the second funniest email I've gotten in the past fortnight.