"Just to clear the deck, I own no monkeys"

I was watching the cricket before, and Jacques Kallis fell down on the ground. It was so good that I laughed profusely. Jacques Kallis is a douchebag and he has a giant head. I think his centre of gravity in his neck coz his head is so massive. That must be why he always falls over.

There was also this guy with a hilarious wig on. It was great.

My brother Ben got voted Sports Captain of his house Macquarie (the same house i was captain of...but at a different school. That proves that everything at Biraban is derivative of Toronto but ultimately superior.)

Apparently this little kid came up to Ben and went "I voted for you because you look like Kevin Rudd."

One must wonder how many kids have gotten that lately because Master Rudd has a baby's head. Blonde and combed over as if by his mother. Which it probably was.

Hehe the joke there is that I think Kevin Rudd's mum is dead.

Some guy came into Ben's school. He had to wear a badge that said "authorized visitor" and then the first thing he said to the teacher who formally greeted him was "I noticed all the glockenspiels and xylophones in your room."

Not much else happened today. Coz uni's not back yet. Probably wouldn't have anyway though coz it's Friday.

Mum: We have a pet lizard in the sink at work.
Mum: His name is Larry.
Ben: How do you know it's a boy?
Mum: It must be his name is Larry
Ben: Ehehe I hope you find out it's a girl now.
Mum: What are we gonna do, lift up it's dress?
Ben: *guffaw* I get it now coz James told me about that boy and girl stuff
Mum: Thanks for that James
Me - *looks awkward*

Apparently congress was talking about whether or not they should ban interstate transportation of non-human primates today, hence the title quote. Some random guy was opposed to the bill to ban it and he felt compelled to preface his remarks with "first of all, just to clear the deck, I own no monkeys".

I think now on it should be a rule that all statements in congress must be prefaced by "first of all, just to clear the deck, I own no monkeys."(1)(2)

Ben was yelling at everyone in his function as house captain. I now call him Mr Mugabe.





(1) - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 27-02-09 - 35% of all financial profits and comedic kudos and/or accreditations born from those remarks to be forwarded to Jonathan Stuart, Tracey McShane, Nathan Thomas, Maggie Rose, Monkey & Shamsky Leibowitz - Inordinately undersized apartment, Big Building, Manhattan, NY, NY, USA.

(2) - 10% of aforementioned attributions to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Sex Offences Division, Officers investigating the 'Stewart Stalker Case' - J.Edgar Hoover Building, 935 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington D.C., USA.