I was watching the cricket before, and Jacques Kallis fell down on the ground. It was so good that I laughed profusely. Jacques Kallis is a douchebag and he has a giant head. I think his centre of gravity in his neck coz his head is so massive. That must be why he always falls over.
There was also this guy with a hilarious wig on. It was great.
My brother Ben got voted Sports Captain of his house Macquarie (the same house i was captain of...but at a different school. That proves that everything at Biraban is derivative of Toronto but ultimately superior.)
Apparently this little kid came up to Ben and went "I voted for you because you look like Kevin Rudd."
One must wonder how many kids have gotten that lately because Master Rudd has a baby's head. Blonde and combed over as if by his mother. Which it probably was.
Hehe the joke there is that I think Kevin Rudd's mum is dead.
Some guy came into Ben's school. He had to wear a badge that said "authorized visitor" and then the first thing he said to the teacher who formally greeted him was "I noticed all the glockenspiels and xylophones in your room."
Not much else happened today. Coz uni's not back yet. Probably wouldn't have anyway though coz it's Friday.
Mum: We have a pet lizard in the sink at work.
Mum: His name is Larry.
Ben: How do you know it's a boy?
Mum: It must be his name is Larry
Ben: Ehehe I hope you find out it's a girl now.
Mum: What are we gonna do, lift up it's dress?
Ben: *guffaw* I get it now coz James told me about that boy and girl stuff
Mum: Thanks for that James
Me - *looks awkward*
Apparently congress was talking about whether or not they should ban interstate transportation of non-human primates today, hence the title quote. Some random guy was opposed to the bill to ban it and he felt compelled to preface his remarks with "first of all, just to clear the deck, I own no monkeys".
I think now on it should be a rule that all statements in congress must be prefaced by "first of all, just to clear the deck, I own no monkeys."(1)(2)
Ben was yelling at everyone in his function as house captain. I now call him Mr Mugabe.
(1) - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 27-02-09 - 35% of all financial profits and comedic kudos and/or accreditations born from those remarks to be forwarded to Jonathan Stuart, Tracey McShane, Nathan Thomas, Maggie Rose, Monkey & Shamsky Leibowitz - Inordinately undersized apartment, Big Building, Manhattan, NY, NY, USA.
(2) - 10% of aforementioned attributions to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Sex Offences Division, Officers investigating the 'Stewart Stalker Case' - J.Edgar Hoover Building, 935 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington D.C., USA.
Friday, February 27, 2009
OMG WTF IS A BLOG!!?!?!:OPOO:D:D:D!!!
Yeah. That was derivative.
This is my blog. My scatological wastebasket. My jocularious dissertation. My nefarious nomenclature. My live revue of animal parts.
You should read it. It comes highly recommended.
Ahaha my confirmation message to start this blog was 'boner'
Uni starts soon. That's when all the funny shit will start. The following is a naively presumptive list of what features can be expected once the routine of university kicks into gear:
*Seeing hilarious dudes
*Seeing remotely cool dudes in passing for a few seconds without them catching sight of you.
*Banal anecdotes originating from the mouths of such people as Scott, Tim Chaston, JAMES MERRY!!!, Levi and Tim Chaston, James Merry and Levi's funny looking friend.
*Jaredisms
*Vaguely oblivious lecturers who are unaware of their inherent seediness.
*Sam having red hair
*Seeing remotely cool dudes in passing for a few seconds before they slickly pass out of sight to avoid having to interact with you.
*Miscontextualized conversations of random eavesdropped-upon people.
*Keith Nesbitt being awesome.
*Dirk's End.
*That drunk guy.
*That old guy who always laughs at whatever the lecturer says.
*Observations on the hotness of a vast array of women ranging from 'plain' to 'average' on the spectrum of physical attractiveness.
*Phil Collins being bald
*That crazy guy with the crazy shirts who looks like Earl but with red hair and if it was the 1970's
That's about it.
All of my classes are up on blackboard with their details and course outline's and everything except the one I actually need to look at now. It's crap. What's funny about that is that Phil Collins has a bald patch and it covers his entire head.
This is my blog. My scatological wastebasket. My jocularious dissertation. My nefarious nomenclature. My live revue of animal parts.
You should read it. It comes highly recommended.
Ahaha my confirmation message to start this blog was 'boner'
Uni starts soon. That's when all the funny shit will start. The following is a naively presumptive list of what features can be expected once the routine of university kicks into gear:
*Seeing hilarious dudes
*Seeing remotely cool dudes in passing for a few seconds without them catching sight of you.
*Banal anecdotes originating from the mouths of such people as Scott, Tim Chaston, JAMES MERRY!!!, Levi and Tim Chaston, James Merry and Levi's funny looking friend.
*Jaredisms
*Vaguely oblivious lecturers who are unaware of their inherent seediness.
*Sam having red hair
*Seeing remotely cool dudes in passing for a few seconds before they slickly pass out of sight to avoid having to interact with you.
*Miscontextualized conversations of random eavesdropped-upon people.
*Keith Nesbitt being awesome.
*Dirk's End.
*That drunk guy.
*That old guy who always laughs at whatever the lecturer says.
*Observations on the hotness of a vast array of women ranging from 'plain' to 'average' on the spectrum of physical attractiveness.
*Phil Collins being bald
*That crazy guy with the crazy shirts who looks like Earl but with red hair and if it was the 1970's
That's about it.
All of my classes are up on blackboard with their details and course outline's and everything except the one I actually need to look at now. It's crap. What's funny about that is that Phil Collins has a bald patch and it covers his entire head.
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